Building trust

So once I listed out on a small piece of paper things my partner/'slave' had done wrong that day. Normally, he is very conscientious, but for some reason he had been totally dropping the ball that day and I wanted to make sure the punishment was memorable. After I spanked him over my knee while having him read off the list, I had him eat the paper in a symbolic gesture both erasing and internalizing his wrongdoing. He hesitated, looked up at me with questions in his eyes and did it. I was very satisfied watching him winch as he chewed. After a few mins had passed, he asked me if it was 'ok' for him to eat paper. I gave him a stern look and said that it was (mind you, it really is ok, especially since this isn't exactly something I do often...in fact, just that once). To me, case closed.

About 30 mins later I am relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath and realized he was online...knowing that he is a bit of a hypochondriac, I asked on a hunch if he was 'reading up on the safety of eating paper'. Sure enough, he was. I was extremely disappointed. I did not punish him overtly, but I sure as hell gave him a dressing down about how he had violated our trust by not believing me when I said it was 'ok'. He was quite chastized, but I do feel the lesson was learned. For me: he had apparently never even chewed on the paper lollipop sticks (seriously, what kid never does that!!) and I learned that I need to drag him by the ear to other sources when he thinks I am poisoning him.

The point is a BDSM relationship, like any relationship, must have an aspect of trust within it but that 'trust' should never be assumed or demanded. Trust is something that grows between people and we often forget that the other person might have reasons for seeming 'distrustful'. Taking the time to communicate with your partner, to really try and see if from their point of view in addition to articulating your own is what helps build health and mutually respectful relationships.